


To Dream in Black and White

by TooGoodToBeBad



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: F/M, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route, Grief/Mourning, Mentioned Blue Lions Students (Fire Emblem), Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), RIP in peace Glenn, RIP in peace Lord Lonato
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:16:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28752777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TooGoodToBeBad/pseuds/TooGoodToBeBad
Summary: “I keep thinking,” Ashe muttered softly, almost to himself. “About everything. I-I-I should have… I could have done something for Lord Lonato. Maybe if I’d done something, he wouldn’t have died.”His words set off a flash behind her eyes, and a hundred different memories fought for control of her headspace. Memories of doors locked to keep the world out and her grief in. Of meals uneaten and blankets unused. Of hollow promises and empty platitudes.Of Glenn and his scars so gruesome that they never lifted the shroud before setting his body on fire.While comforting Ashe in his grief after the death of Lord Lonato, Ingrid realizes that his questions hit a little too close to home.
Relationships: Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert/Ingrid Brandl Galatea
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	To Dream in Black and White

**Author's Note:**

> When I came up with (i.e. _stole_ ) the title for this piece, I thought it would go a lot differently, but I couldn't think of anything else, so enjoy this not very applicable Breaking Benjamin lyric.

The night was cold, and in more ways than one. It felt dark and heavy, like a funeral shroud to bid farewell to a dreadful day.

Ingrid pulled her knees to her chest as her green eyes watched the flames dance across firewood. The fire burned bright orange against the deep black of the sky. While the fog from the battle had all but dissipated, the air felt still and stale, thick with shadows and specters. 

She bit back a cough.

Across her, Ashe’s pale green eyes stared blankly at the flames, and his bowl of stew remained untouched at his feet. The spare shawl Mercedes had very carefully draped over his shoulders still hung loosely over his frame.

Ingrid didn’t think it was possible for bloodshot eyes to look so empty.

Her ears perked up at the sound of footsteps, and she could just barely make out Felix’s form until he stepped closer and was illuminated by warm firelight. His face was solemn and notably scowl-free, which, given the recent circumstances, was probably appropriate. He spared Ashe a glance before meeting Ingrid’s eyes. Almost imperceptibly, he tilted his head towards Ashe, who hadn’t moved or acknowledged Felix’s presence.

Ingrid could read the gesture well enough. _You got this covered?_

She didn’t know why, but she nodded her head ever so slightly. Felix nodded back and gave Ashe’s shoulder a consoling pat.

“Ingrid.” Felix nodded his head at her as he walked towards her. When he paused by her side and raised an eyebrow at her, she nodded at him again. Seemingly satisfied, he wordlessly walked off towards his tent. 

Now Ingrid felt very alone. 

For a moment she wished Sylvain wasn’t confined to the medical tent over his superficial (or so he claimed) injuries. For all his flaws, at least the redhead knew how to talk to people. Ingrid could barely handle her own grief, much less the grief of others. It was Sylvain who had coaxed her out of solitude and back into the world of the living.

Even if she couldn’t do that for Ashe, she had to try.

She slowly rose from her spot and made her way around the fire and by Ashe’s side. When she lowered herself to the ground, Ashe blinked, but his eyes were still trained on the fire, glassy and unmoving.

Not too long ago it would have felt like looking in a mirror.

“Hey, Ashe,” she said gently. “How… how are your siblings?”

When he turned his head towards her, she could clearly see the pain written in his gaze. At least there was something in his eyes now aside from numb emptiness.

“They were fine,” he finally said, and his voice sounded dangerously close to breaking at the edges. “They were away from the fighting. They’re safe.”

“That’s good to hear.” Ingrid winced at how shallow and insincere she sounded. Silence filled the space between them, and it felt as impenetrable as the fog from earlier. For a long while, neither of them said anything.

“I’m sorry, Ashe,” she mumbled. “I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do right now. I’m no good at… this.”

“You don’t have to stay up for me,” he replied, his tone straight and rigid.

“But it doesn’t feel right to just leave you alone.”

Ashe’s voice finally broke. “O-oh. Please, I don’t… I don’t know if I want to be alone right now.” 

She nodded solemnly and placed a comforting hand on his leg. “I’m here if you need me.”

They sat still, watching the fire slowly cave in on itself and start to die, and Ingrid could count her own heartbeats in the silence that followed. The chill of the night was biting at her bones, but it almost didn’t feel right to shiver. She could bear a little silence and a little cold for a friend who was hurting.

“I keep thinking,” Ashe muttered softly, almost to himself. “About everything. I-I-I should have… I could have done something for Lord Lonato. Maybe if I’d done something, he wouldn’t have died.”

His words set off a flash behind her eyes, and a hundred different memories fought for control of her headspace. Memories of doors locked to keep the world out and her grief in. Of meals uneaten and blankets unused. Of hollow promises and empty platitudes.

Of Glenn and his scars so gruesome that they never lifted the shroud before setting his body on fire.

“Don’t.” She was taken aback by the gravity of her voice. “Don’t do that to yourself, Ashe. You did all that you could, and it’s unfair to put any of this on yourself.”

Ashe nodded and shifted, hugging his legs to his chest, and she could barely make out his features in the dying firelight.

“It’s just… I know what it’s like to lose someone you looked up to and thought the world of,” she rambled on, unsure of where she was going. “And it’s not like I’m trying to compare my own grief to yours, but-”

“I didn’t think you were.” He shook his head somberly.

Ingrid faltered a bit at his unexpected kindness at her selfishness in taking control of the conversation. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ve lost someone, too. And when I did, I locked myself away, trying to think of what I could have done differently. I tried to see if there was anything I could have done to save him, and it just ate at me. It’s painful to realize that there’s nothing more that we can do but to accept that they’re gone.”

“I’m trying.”

“And that’s okay,” she said gently. “It won’t come immediately. Take the time you need.”

Another silence fell upon them, but this one was not as heavy or somber. The melancholy still lingered in the air, almost palpable, but this time it didn’t feel so suffocating. 

“When I lost my parents, I was too young to grieve properly. I was too focused on just trying to survive and keeping my siblings alive,” Ashe muttered. “I don’t really remember if I allowed myself to feel that. But now… it just feels so heavy. And I don’t know if I can carry this all by myself.”

“But you don’t have to.” Ingrid placed her hand back on his knee. “That’s why we’re here. You’re not alone in this, Ashe. We’re here for you.”

The smile he offered her was weak and sad, but it was a smile all the same. “Thanks, Ingrid. That means the world to me.”

He stared off towards the stars. “I just wish I could understand why Lord Lonato did what he did, why he thought this was the right thing to do. I have so many questions, and I’m scared I’ll never know the answers.”

The blood in Ingrid’s veins turned to ice. She knew those words. She knew that sentiment. 

“We don’t always get the answers we search for,” she said softly, hoping that the tremble in her voice wasn’t apparent. “And we have to make peace with the fact that sometimes we just don’t know, and that we might never.”

Four years later, and the closure she sought from the aftermath of Duscur still eluded her. Closure was but another ghost to her.

All she had was what she wanted Glenn’s death to be.

“Ingrid.” Ashe’s voice was a hoarse whisper now. “Are you alright?”

She blinked herself out of her apparent daze. “I’m fine, Ashe. I’m just here for you. Don’t worry about me.”

The deep sigh that escaped him was enough for her to know that he did not believe her. “I’m sorry if-”

“No, please don’t apologize. I’m here for your grieving, not my own.”

He gave her another tiny smile. “We can grieve together, if only for tonight.”

“I thought I did all my grieving four years ago,” she replied with a sad laugh. 

“He was my fiancé and my friend,” she continued after a long pause. “But he perished in Duscur. And I thought a lot about what I could have done to make him stay. Today, I’m still not any closer to understanding any of it. 

“Ashe, I can’t pretend to understand what you’re going through right now, how heavy your heart must feel knowing what you know. But I know that you don’t have to be alone with this.”

“Thank you, Ingrid. I’m… I’m glad you’re here.”

She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. I’m just looking out for you.”

And just like that, his voice came undone. “I miss him already.”

Almost on instinct, she pulled him close to her and wrapped him in a warm and steady hug. “It’s okay, Ashe. It’s okay. Feel what you have to. I’m here for you.”

Ingrid struggled to make out his words as he wept into the crook of her neck. Perhaps in the moment, words were unnecessary. Blinking the tears out of her eyes, she watched as the last embers of their fire were snuffed out.

And in the darkness of the night, tangled up in a welcoming embrace with the stars for company, Ingrid allowed herself to grieve once more.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Feedback and comments are appreciated!
> 
> This was challenging for me (grief is always hard to write), but I hope it read alright!
> 
> I hope you guys liked this!


End file.
